For me, he’s all I see.
Not even an invitation to a feely will distract me.
I do not know what it’s like to have someone real like him--
And I desperately want to know, I do.
It’s all I think about.
This is probably a good time to take some soma
And relax. A gramme is always better than a damn!
And if I’ve ever had a damn, it can’t be worse than never having him.
Now I’ll know what to do.
The soma makes me act
And I go to him
And he comes to me
And he speaks of forever!
Forever! Together!
Do such things truly occur?
Never mind; all I want is the here and now
(After all, never put off till tomorrow the fun you can have today!)
And I’m here
And it’s now
And he’s here, and so now--
One hit from his hand and I’m down.
For all of his acting as though he does not want me,
All the others more than make up for it with their gazes and their dates.
But, really? It doesn’t matter nearly as much as when he looks at me.
I am just an object for pleasure in their eyes
(But he really sees ME! My Ford, what a thought)
I bounce back and forth between them.
I do enjoy this, I do!
All of them the very best of men.
It’s very respectable, having had more of them than I can count.
Yet something is always missing.
A gramme is always better than a damn,
But do I really deserve nothing better than this or that man?
I stay with one for some time and others begin to notice
And so I move on in search of the next best thing.
When I have found something real
In someone who is even more real
He runs from me.
My ways, they scare him.
But reality, I think it scares me, too. (Soma takes care of that.)
It’s not really my fault, it’s just a result of my conditioning.
I try to make myself available
In every way I know how
But I frighten him
If I don’t make it obvious that I love him,
How else can he see?
Will he take me back?
Will he, will he please?
I make a grand gesture and walk to him with open arms
And he brings me down again.
Since his promises of forever eventually fell...
maybe nothing is really forever, after all.
I mean, that’s what I always thought anyway.
Right?
-Lenina Crowne
1 comment:
kaitlin - this is really good and interesting. i like it because we do not really get into lenina's mind at all. the author sympathizes with her but he does not really think about what motivates her. this (as is indicated by the title) explores the goings on in her mind. it works for me. I like the voice. i am glad you gave her one. nice work. - elmeer
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